I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
