you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
