Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
