You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
