I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
