You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
