That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Randomize
