Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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