when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
