Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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