so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
