My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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