All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
