I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize