i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That's how pantless uber rides happen
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
