your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
