I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
