3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
