Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
