I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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