FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
