My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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