Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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