I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
