I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
