u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
