My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
