a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
