Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
