People with herpes should wear stickers.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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