Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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