god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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