I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need to calm my uterus...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
