Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize