Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
