WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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