If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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