Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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