when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
