I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize