We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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