Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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