Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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