Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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