would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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