I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
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