So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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