they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
