he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
