i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize