could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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