Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
