I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
