I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've blown a few things in my day
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
