So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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