the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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