Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
