I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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