Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
