Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
