last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
