suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
