drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
