Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
