it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
