I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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