He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize