Cold hands, warm shart.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
