in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
