did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize